Quit Telling Your Kids “I Trust You”

I think we can all agree that parenting is challenging no matter the era, am I right!?

But, I do think that raising kids today does have its unique set of challenges compared to our counterparts. According to Pew Research Center, sixty-six percent of U.S. parents would agree with me. 

As a mom of boys, I feel a tremendous responsibility to raise boys who are strong in their relationship with the Lord and God-fearing men of integrity.

I know there is a mom of a daughter out there who will one day entrust her sweet girl in the care of my son. I pray that I make good use of the time her future husband is in my home and work hard to instill qualities in him that I know will help protect their relationship and the dynamic of the home of my future grandbabies. Queue the waterworks. 

But it starts here.

It starts now.

It starts with helping our children steer clear of avoidable footholds the enemy would love to have in their lives. 

What Has Changed To Make Raising Boys To Be Good Men More Challenging?

While the nuclear family structure has declined we have had an uprising in technology. The rise in technology has both benefited us as parents and raised alarm for good reason. 

I’ll be the first to admit, I do love the fact we have instant access to information. Resources are readily available to us with a touch of our fingertips. We can look up almost any type of tutorial needed with a click of a video on YouTube. My kids benefit from taking many of their high-school classes online. Just the fact you are reading this means social media has done wonders in connecting us to one another in a whole new way.

While it seems to be connecting people around the world more, the disconnect between parent and child rises. The average adult spends 10 hours, and 39 minutes of screen time every day. This does include time on smartphones, gaming, computers, and watching shows and movies. (Source: CNN) The average teen spends around 9 hours of screen time daily. (Source: Forbes) While those numbers are astronomical why does it matter?

Why Does It Matter?

Parent-Child Connectedness

The rise in technology, social media to be more exact, has parents and children lost in the world within their screen instead of creating the bonds so desperately needed between the family. Numerous studies have been done linking the impacts on children who do not have close relationships with their parents and the results were a drastic rise in alcohol abuse, substance use, violence, risky behaviors, and the list goes on and on. These statistics also decreased among those who stated they ate regular meals with their family. 

Early Exposure

Parents are also stating increasing concern and blaming the rise in technology for exposing their children to things at a young age. A study was done among young adults who were exposed to pornography. The astounding age of first exposure came in at just below 10 years of age. Over half of the people surveyed said their first exposure was accidental. Truth be told, you don’t have to have a smartphone in your hand for this to happen. YouTube without parental controls “on” can pop up with graphic ads while watching wholesome channels. Friends with unrestricted access to the internet. Typing in a site on your computer just to find you did a very unfavorable mistype! 

It’s our job as Moms On a Mission to raise up a generation of men of integrity and TRAIN them to guard their hearts. We can sometimes attempt to imagine them as these men already and burden them with trust when their curiosity and lack of guidance will most often prove otherwise. We are left disappointed and fearful of seeds planted by the breach of trust that never should have been offered to them in the first place.

I find it fascinating we place phones in the hands of our children with access to all the world has to offer them and say these words…

”I Trust You.”

Why???

We don’t hand them keys to our car at eleven years of age and say “I trust you?” There is a reason they aren’t allowed to check into a hotel until a certain age, buy alcohol, or even apply for a job. It’s NOT that they haven’t broken trust in a certain area, it’s because we are being wise in waiting until they are mature enough to handle the amount of responsibility that comes along with that. We have to train them, guide them, put up guard rails, set up a few restrictions, and lay down ground rules. Our children shouldn’t and in most cases cannot bear up under the burden of unbridled trust. 

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

IF you are raising a man-child, as one of our favorite Disney movies likes to put it, it’s critical you train them young to guard their heart. What is in the heart is what type of man they will become, and it begins with training them to guard their eyes, ears, and mind. 

Here are a few things you can do now to begin taking charge in this area:

Have a conversation with your son about the dangers of technology.

Take control of the content your children can view online.

Parental controls. Restrict certain sites. Manage their apps. Check their texts and history regularly. Make them accountable.

Share with them examples of what to do if a situation should arise.

Set Ground Rules.

We do not allow phones in the bedroom or bathroom. They are all connected to the same Google account as I am. I manage contacts and make sure I know each one. I regularly check conversations. No social media platforms are allowed. If I did allow social media, passwords would be shared so I could log on at any time.

I’m not saying that my boys have always been happy about our arrangement, but that is okay. I don’t need them to always like me. I need them to learn to love the Lord. As they learn just how much God has in store for them and the dangers that lurk in the corners of technology that seek to keep them from that awesome plan for their lives they will discover that mom maybe did know best all along. Maybe!

Let’s join hands and take charge together as M.oms O.n a M.ission!